The Horniman: Rewarding Mediocrity In Week 7

It’s that time of the week again folks! This week took me a little longer to figure out because we had something occur that has never happened in the history of the Horniman Award. This caused me to reach out to other highly qualified individuals to deliberate on who the winner of this week’s Horniman Award would be! The theme of this week is going to be Dynamic Duos. Just like in the bedroom, quarterbacks this week did a lot of tag-team and performed a beautiful dalliance of the Hornimen.

Limp Losers

Before we dive into the depths of the Horniman, I want to give you a glimpse at the folks that just didn’t quite have what it takes to be College Football’s Horniest Men. This week had its fair share of losers. Guys who just couldn’t quite get up and perform adequately enough to impress our esteemed committee.

Like I mentioned earlier, this week had a few teams that really showed parity between their quarterbacks. The first of our Dynamic Duos are none other than Brian Lewerke and Rocky Lombardi of Michigan State. Unfortunately these guys weren’t actually that dynamic as they were dominated by the Badgers. Lombardi went 5 of 14 for 66 yards and 1 interception while Lewerke went 7 of 16 for 53 yards and 1 interception. A truly dreadful performance from these two lads. It’s not often you have two young men fighting to be the worst on their team, but when it happens, it’s truly a spectacle to remember.

Horniable Mentions

This week had an unusually high number of players trying to get their name at the top of our leaderboard as the Horniest Quarterback in all of College Football. In fact, we had the highest number of players score above 90% at 34. We also witnessed the comeback of our Lord and Savior, Alex “Heismanbrook” Hornibrook.

It really is great to see that Mr. Hornibrook has returned to his former glory, and is doing his best to show us what it means to be the namesake of this prestigious award. One can only hope that Willie Taggart will notice Alex’s efforts and realize that winning the Horniman Award may be the Nole’s only hopes of bringing home any hardware in the foreseeable future. Similarly, everyone loves a good comeback story. Well, Malik Henry, the former Last Chance U phenom, has landed on his feet at Nevada and proven that he is finally being coachable.

Perky Perkins

We at Between the Numbers have been following one individual with much interest, due to his ability to maintain a high Horni Rating week in and week out. We are of course speaking of none other than Bryce “Perky” Perkins.

However, this week it appears that Bryce forgot to take his little blue pill. He recorded a Horni Rating of only 82%. This is the first time this year that Bryce has gotten a Horni Rating below 90%. We are all very concerned about his health and really hope that he can get his prescription refilled before next week’s game. We want Bryce to stay true to himself and do what he does best. Be Horni.

The Horniman Award

Now that we have gotten all the formalities out of the way we can get down to business.This week something truly incredible has happened. In fact, something like this is so unique I am not sure we will see something like this for a long time. After much deliberation it was determined that the winner of this week’s Horniman Award is none other than the Rebellious Black Bear Landsharks of the University of Mississippi!

That’s right! This week the entire quarterback core of the Ole Miss Rebels has laid claim to our award! Matt Corral recorded a 100% Horni Rating, and John Plumlee, his reliever, pitched an equally impressive 97% Horni Rating. Corral went 10 of 16 passing for 133 yards while Plumlee went 8 of 17 for 103 yards and 2 touchdowns. These two went out there, played their hearts out, and did their best; and for that, we thank them. Unfortunately for these guys and the rest of their team, Missouri failed to respect the effort these guys were putting out there and defeated the poor Landsharks. I’m sure we will see some heavy sanctions fall on the Missouri Tigers in the future for their blatant disrespect towards the Horniness of these two individuals.

That’s All Folks

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