We’re back! After a weekend of mediocrity and blue balls, it’s finally that time again! Join us as we gather around the computer monitor and determine the Horniest quarterback of the weekend! Last week, after a long and hard debate we determined that the Week 2 winner of The Horniman Award was Alan Bowman of Texas Tech. In this week’s match-up against Arizona, Alan was hindered significantly due to a shoulder injury.
The Horniman Award
Week 3 saw few high level match-ups, which resulted in an excessively Horni weekend. This led to a strong rise in some quarterbacks being aggressively Horni with other putting up incredibly flaccid ratings.
That said, we are happy to announce that the winner of the Horniman Award is someone who has been doing his best to be the Horniest player week in and week out. With a week one performance of 69% (Nice), a week two performance of 95%, and finally reaching his maximum potential this week, our newest winner of the Horniman Award pulled off an impressive 100% Horniness rating! This week’s winner is none other than Dorian Thompson-Robinson of UCLA!
With a completion percentage of 57%, 2 touchdowns, and 2 interceptions against the powerhouse defense of Oklahoma, Dorian Thompson-Robinson positioned himself firmly on top of all the other potential candidates for this week’s Horniman Award! Dorian was unable to penetrate the fearsome Sooners’ defense on Saturday. Chip Kelly was only able to coerce 201 yards out of his young quarterback in their 48-14 defeat at the hands of the ever-limp Jalen Hurts.
Horniable Mentions:
This week was the closest race for the Horniman we’ve ever had. We had SIX players finish with a Horniness Rating of 99% or higher. That’s a lot of mediocrity flying around!
| PLAYER | SCHOOL | HORNI RATING |
| Justin McMilan | Tulane | 99.9% |
| Sawyer Smith | Kentucky | 99.2% |
| Zach Smith | Tulsa | 99.2% |
| Tevaka Tuioti | New Mexico | 99.2% |
| Skylar Thompson | Kansas State | 99.1% |
| Trevor Lawrence | Clemson | 82% |
I think the biggest surprise on this list is Sawyer Smith of Kentucky. He just couldn’t stand the thought of letting his kicker, Chance Poor, get all of the credit for their disappointing defeat at the hands of Florida.
Limp Losers:
This is where we move on to individuals who couldn’t quite get up and perform.
| PLAYER | SCHOOL | HORNI RATING |
| Sheriron Jones | New Mexico | -2% |
| Ian Book | Notre Dame | 6% |
Now, it’s not often that you see something as extraordinary as we did this past weekend. We were blessed with some of the most disappointing performances of the entire season by Sheriron Jones and Ian Book. While soft days happen all the time, it’s not every day that two limp men find themselves directly opposed. That’s right. We had our first head to head battle between two young gentlemen that just couldn’t get their Horni on.
In a 66-14 blowout of the New Mexico Lobos, Notre Dame was able to completely decimate Sheriron and his hopes of being the Horniest quarterback. Going 4 for 15 for a total of 19 yards including 3 interceptions and no touchdowns, Sheriron had possibly the worst performance of any FBS quarterback to date. On the other side of the field, Ian Book of Notre Dame managed to stop throwing passes to cheerleaders and focus on the game just long enough to get the job done. Going 15 for 24 for 360 yards and 5 touchdowns, Ian managed to pull off an incredibly limp performance by our standards.
Wrapping It Up
This week turned out to be a great measuring tape to determine the lengths these players are willing to go to be Horni. I only hope that as the season continues, new contenders will be coming out of the closet and exposing themselves to the college football world as the Horniest of men.
Make sure you tune into the Between the Numbers podcast every week on Monday for more exciting stats and hot takes!
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